Eight ways to tell if they're married

1. They only give you an office or beeper number.
2. They're never home when you call.
3. Your dates tend to occur outside city limits.
4. They often excuse themselves to call the "office" well after office hours.
5. Spur-of-the-moment dates are out of the question.
6. They pick only darkly lit, out of the way places.
7. They're never available on weekends or holidays.
8. They have a mysterious rash (or white mark) on the ring finger of their left hand.